Sunday, May 24, 2015

Is it Wrong to be a Stay at Home Wife Before Having Children?

Assorted Is it wrong for a woman to marry and be a stay at home wife before she has children? For her fulltime occupation to be a homemaker? If she feels it is her place, and if she keeps herself occupied with a plethora of household duties and other tasks and interests which she enjoys? If one of her most sacred dreams is just that? If that role, the traditional role as homemaker and helper resides deep within her heart, is it not right that she fulfill that role? Or at least, it is not wrong that she does that, is it?

As a woman with such dreams and desires as that, I find judgement and ill will towards my view on a women's role after marriage and before children. It seams to be the overriding view that if I were to marry and before I had any children it would be somehow wrong for me not to work at a traditional job. I say traditional job, because I would still be working I just wouldn't be getting a pay check for my time.

I sometimes wonder if everyone believes that now, or if I just have failed to see like mindedness around me. It used to be a very common thing -- an expected thing -- but now it is as dated a notion as dressing for dinner.

Assorted I look around and all my friends who are married are all working full time jobs and I wonder is it just because that is just how things are done now -- that they never gave it a second thought? Is it because of financial reasons? Is it just preference? Is it a mix of the three, or is it some other reason entirely? I honestly wonder the root cause.

It seems that in the circle of acquaintances I personally know, not many are accepting of this whole idea. Is it because they feel they are being lazy if they do not work outside of the home? I have a whole library of ideas and ambitions and dreams that I want to do with my life, Lord willing I be blessed with a husband, just as I have many things I am pursing right now in lieu of myself not getting married. Laziness is far from the case. I just wouldn't be getting paid by someone else to do their work for them as in a traditional job. I would be doing my own work. Working for myself, on things I want to get accomplished, and being a support to my husband. A helper -- not a provider.

"She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
~Proverbs 31:27

Is it too much to ask that the husband be able to provide for the two of us -- or should I be providing an income as well? Is it wrong not to work a traditional job while being a wife? When everyone all around me is doing the exact opposite of what I want to be doing, am I just being a silly overly romantic girl with wishes that are not practical?

In conclusion, I have to ask, is money all that matters? I rather be content at home, helping save money while running the household frugally, fixing supper, keeping the house tidy and creating a loving atmosphere for my husband to come home to  -- all the while being poor -- than to own a bigger house, or go on vacations, or have nicer clothes  -- all the while working a job outside of the home.

I honestly can say that I do not understand why anyone would want to work when they have the choice of being a homemaker -- but I daresay that they would not understand why I would want to be a homemaker either -- none of us being the wiser.

This being said, I have no problem with women who wish to pursue a professional career. If that is what appeals to them more, then I say go for it! Pursue whatever avenue your goals and ambitions lead you towards -- just don't judge me for not pursuing the same goals. As sisters in Christ we should be supporting and having a gentle spirit towards one another. 

What are your thoughts?


  1. Very well expressed! Very good questions you asked. I'm sure it will give people some food for thought!

  2. This is very well written, and thought provoking article. Brava!

    There are - however - two points I'd like to add.

    First of all I would like to point out that being a stay-at-home wife (not mother) went out of fashion because keeping house used to be a full time job. Without gas stoves, electric refrigerators, washing machines, dryers and vacuums cleaners, just cleaning, cooking and doing laundry would take all day. With all the modern convinces we have nowadays, and without children too look after/clean up after, it's quite possible to keep a house in good order whilst working a full time job outside the home.

    Second of all, I wouldn't necessarily quote that verse as to why it's ok for women to be stay at home wives, when earlier in that passage Solomon says:
    "She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard." (Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭16 NKJV)
    "She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants." (‭Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭24‬ NKJV)
    Regardless of whether or not it's wrong or right to be a stay at home wife, I don't think the Proverbs 31 woman is a good example of one. Yes, she was a homemaker - taking care of her family - but from the sound of it she had at least one if not a couple sources of income of her own.

    Like I said, though, this was a very well written article and definitely got me thinking about exactly why I want to continue working until I go into labour with my first child. Lol.

    I'd also love to continue this discussion sometime - if you're up for it.

    ~ Katie Burry